You have just finished taking an incredibly lengthy exam. As you head to your locker, your friend runs up to you and reveals that she cheated on the exam. You promise not to tell anyone about it, but it takes all of your effort to not expose your friend the next time you talk to your professor. Keeping a secret is an intensive act that involves a complex set of physical, mental, and social processes. Psychologists have asked questions about these processes, and their research has given us some insight into the secrets of secrecy.
How do secrets affect us?
Keeping secrets may be detrimental to one’s health, as secrecy is correlated with negative consequences for both physical and mental well-being [1]. For instance, in a study looking at gay men, Cole et al. found that there was an association between keeping sexual identities secret and physical conditions such as cancers and infectious diseases [2]. How preoccupied people feel with the secret can potentially influence its consequences. In a series of four studies where participants made judgments of hill slant, which are linked to physical burden, Slepian et al. found that participants’ preoccupation with secrets they were keeping predicted their judgments of hill slant [1]. Emotions surrounding the secret can also affect the people keeping it. In a study asking participants to recall secrets they were keeping, Slepian et al. found that while feeling shame about the secret led to more mind wandering towards the secret, feeling guilt about the secret led to less of this mind wandering [3]. These studies show that, in order to fully understand the consequences of secrecy, we need to consider factors beyond the mere act of keeping a secret.
What is the role of secrets in our lives?
Even though secrets can have negative consequences for their keepers, they can also serve important social functions. Sharing secrets may have a multitude of purposes like expressing strong emotions, creating and increasing intimacy with others, and seeking and establishing a mutual understanding with others [4]. Secrets may also be related to people’s social networks. For example, social networks can shape secrets. Aspects of a person’s social network, like the closeness of its members, can affect whether sharing secrets is used to support or harm others [4]. Secrets can also shape people’s social networks, as people’s responses to secret-sharing can lead to stronger relationships if the response is positive or weaker relationships if the response is negative [4]. Even children seem to understand the social importance of secrets: in a series of studies where children were tasked with making judgments of friendship based on the sharing of secrets versus material resources or other types of information, Liberman and Shaw found that the children tended to view secret-sharing as an important indication of friendship compared to the other kinds of sharing [5]. Ultimately, despite secrecy being difficult and its association to negative health consequences, secrets are still an integral part of our social lives.
References
[1] Slepian, M. L.; Camp, N. P.; Masicampo, E. J. Exploring the Secrecy Burden: Secrets, Preoccupation, and Perceptual Judgments. J. Exp. Psychol. Gen. 2015, 144 (2), e31–e42. https://doi.org/10.1037/xge0000052.
[2] Cole, S. W.; Kemeny, M. E.; Taylor, S. E.; Visscher, B. R. Elevated Physical Health Risk among Gay Men Who Conceal Their Homosexual Identity. Health Psychol. 1996, 15 (4), 243–251. https://doi.org/10.1037/0278-6133.15.4.243.
[3] Slepian, M. L.; Kirby, J. N.; Kalokerinos, E. K. Shame, Guilt, and Secrets on the Mind. Emotion 2020, 20 (2), 323–328. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000542.
[4] Cowan, S. K. Secrets and Social Networks. Curr. Opin. Psychol. 2020, 31, 99–104. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2019.07.038.
[5] Liberman, Z.; Shaw, A. Secret to Friendship: Children Make Inferences about Friendship Based on Secret Sharing. Dev. Psychol. 2018, 54 (11), 2139–2151. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000603.
[6] Unsplash. Photo by Gama. Films on Unsplash. https://unsplash.com/photos/hpv81oxYZ34 (accessed Dec 7, 2020).