College is a time of great uncertainty. It is a world of new friends, experiences, and challenges. For many students, one of these challenges is navigating a long-distance relationship (LDR). Some have had to move far away from their partner for college. Others start LDRs in their time at college, perhaps with someone they met on the Internet or from traveling abroad. Regardless of the situation, LDRs can be difficult to navigate, but stick around, and you will see that LDRs can be meaningful and rewarding experiences.
Why are long-distance relationships so challenging?
Relationships are complicated, and when distance is a factor the consequences can be overwhelming. One such consequence is loneliness: in a study by Firmin, Firmin, and Lorenzen (2014), female college students in LDRs reported that their feelings of loneliness increased at certain points (e.g. after seeing their boyfriends or when seeing other happy couples) and that these feelings contributed to “needy” behaviors like calling their boyfriends often [1]. LDRs also affect other aspects of the college experience: Waterman et al. (2017) found that students going into college in LDRs had more difficulty adjusting to college life and that they participated in university activities less than single students [2].
Are long-distance relationships so terrible after all?
There are challenges involved in being in an LDR, but that does not mean that you should avoid them. In fact, they may be comparable to geographically close relationships (GCRs). For instance, in a study by Dargie et al. (2015), researchers compared participants in LDRs and GCRs and found that few differences existed between them in terms of relationship quality [3]. Goldsmith and Byers (2018) found consistent results from comparing people in LDRs and GCRs: those in both types of relationships had similar satisfaction despite observers perceiving those in LDRs to be less satisfied [4]. LDRs can also actually be rewarding in their own ways. From the results of questionnaires about the LDR experiences of a group of college students, Mietzner and Li-Wen (2005) found that participants reported gaining skills from being in an LDR including time management, independence, trust, patience, and better communication [5].
How can I navigate being in a long-distance relationship?
Along with the challenges of being in a relationship, the distance means that partners are not able to meet face-to-face, meaning that there are fewer opportunities for physical intimacy. However, this does not mean that there aren’t ways to maintain a healthy LDR. Firstly, it is important to begin the relationship with a strong foundation. Arditti and Kauffman (2004) interviewed participants in LDRs and found that strong foundations of friendship and trust were important aspects of the relationship. It is crucial to keep in touch, such as through the use of technology (phones, e-mail, video chat) [6]. Maintaining healthy relationships with others is also beneficial; having close family and friends to talk to can be helpful in difficult times and can also solidify the trust and commitment in the relationship [1]. Much like in any other relationship, the key is to have a good foundation, to keep in touch, and to also maintain other aspects of your life.
References
Firmin, M. W.; Firmin, R. L.; Lorenzen, K. A Qualitative Analysis of Loneliness Dynamics Involved with College Long-Distance Relationships. Coll. Stud. J. 2014, 48 (1), 57–71.
Waterman, E. A.; Wesche, R.; Leavitt, C. E.; Jones, D. E.; Lefkowitz, E. S. Long-Distance Dating Relationships, Relationship Dissolution, and College Adjustment. Emerg. Adulthood Print 2017, 5 (4), 268–279. https://doi.org/10.1177/2167696817704118.
Dargie, E.; Blair, K. L.; Goldfinger, C.; Pukall, C. F. Go Long! Predictors of Positive Relationship Outcomes in Long-Distance Dating Relationships. J. Sex Marital Ther. 2015, 41 (2), 181–202. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367.
Goldsmith, K. M.; Byers, E. S. Perceived and Reported Romantic and Sexual Outcomes in Long-Distance and Geographically Close Relationships. Can. J. Hum. Sex. 2018, 27 (2), 144–156. https://doi.org/10.3138/cjhs.2018-0016.
Mietzner, S.; Li-Wen Lin. Would You Do It Again? Coll. Stud. J. 2005, 39 (1), 192–200.
Arditti, J. A.; Kauffman, M. Staying Close When Apart: Intimacy and Meaning in Long-Distance Dating Relationships. J. Couple Relatsh. Ther. 2004, 3 (1), 27–52. https://doi.org/10.1300/J398v03n01_03.
The Telegraph, 2020. Lonely Hearts. [image] Available at: <https://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/university-checklist/can-long-distance-relationships-work/> [Accessed 25 September 2020].